WHAT SORT OF KITING ANIMAL R U?

[Mr Jo Macdonald]

What sort of Kiting Animal R U?

After a brief and arduous study of the various plant and animal species that populate the shores of our planet the Kite Beach Polytechnic has drawn up the following study of a new life form, a hybrid called kitesurfer or kiteflysurfer, some say a cross between a fish and a bird in continuous evolution, for others the result of secret genetic experiments in crossbreeding surfers with paragliders and grafting wings onto beach bums, who knows. The most surprising thing that emerged from the study is the presence of several sub-species of kitesurfing animal, a summary of which can be found below:

1. THE OBSESSED KITESURFER, very common in various windswept zones of the globe, can be found nesting in beach and lake areas, this poor beast has a one track mind, and has forsaken his nest, mate and flock because they don’t kite. Approaching the obsessed kitesurfer and engaging it in conversation can be hazardous and very much a one-sided affair but you will learn a lot about traction kites and weather forecasts.
2. THE SEXY FLYSURFER, after struggling to survive the growing pains of a seat harness this kiter has evolved to the full glory of the waist harness, flaunting its sexual prowess by stuffing old socks down the legs of its wet suit
3. THE BIO KITER, who will only use equipment produced using environmentally friendly technology, paper kites, plywood boards and feeds on a strictly vegetarian diet. In danger of extinction.
4. THE LEGENDARY WINDSURFING KITEFLYSURFER, one of the first of its kind, a native of the Hawaiian Islands, spends most of its life in the water and growing new wings.
5. THE LESSER RECKLESS KITESURFER, this animal has never grown a leash and can often be seen playing with its wings on the shore and jumping over kiterbabes.
6. THE GREATER RECKLESS KITESURFER, a rare but sturdy breed who has dropped their leash long ago and can be found dragging through fences, car parks or what ever without releasing their kite while looking for someone to grab it, or a safe location to land. These bold creatures easily stand out from the crowd of lesser reckless kitesurfers because of the giant yellow S on their blue chest and have been heard to say things like, be honest, be safe, be responsible and get real!!
7. THE GREATLY SAFETY CONSCIOUS KITER, these peaceful beings flock together in associations and weigh themselves down with body armour to prevent dangerous loftings, constantly at work for the preservation of the species. Often found with a weather map in its hand.
8. THE SPOTTED KITESURFER, a young flyer, often infested with zits.
9. THE FLAMING KITESURFER, a species from southern climes, a humorous but antagonising character, with a characteristic cry of “FOILS SUCKâ€