Ok, you win, I admit it, I do touch meself up occasionally, hang on a minute...
....just gone and run down the road stark naked shoutin "I AM A WANKER! at the top of me voice, just got back, bit breathless but I feel much better now thank you....
...what?, how come that siren is stopping right outside my door?.....shit .....
..."yes officer it was me, yes I suppose I did get a bit carried away. Is that right?, you can still can get done for obscenity in public places, what even in the modern age? And especially in a quiet little Italian, god-fearing, seaside town on a Sunday you say.
Come down the station quietly or cattle prodded into the back of the van with the cuffs on? Uh, I'll go for the former thanks, can I turn the computer off first?"
Uh, guys, I have to go now, been silly again, catch ya'll later when they let me out.
Don't get too into the wanking thing while I'm away, it can make you blind.
"Uh, officer did you already pick up me white stick?"
You can't win 'em all.