How to get your hands on your own private kiterbabe

[Mr Jo Macdonald]

How to get your hands on your own private kiterbabe



Hi guys,
Ok let’s get serious, just how many of you out there don’t want their own private kiterbabe? Hands up please…
I thought so, not many.
If you already have your own kiterbabe, what are you doing reading this, do you want two? Shit, there are few enough to go round already you greedy pig.
Anyway, this is how you can get yer grubby little hands on her, interested? ok, just disregard the bullshit and silly crap I luv and take notes.

First of all, you have to know how you want her,
No, not in what position,
Who is the kiterbabe of your dreams?
If you don’t know who she is you don’t have a fat chance of finding her.
The best way to do find out who she is is to write down what she’s like. Take a big piece of paper, (A4 is fine) and at the top of the page write My Kiterbabe. Ok, now imagine your dream kiterbabe and start writing a list of the qualities of this person in a column. Obviously at this point if you’re thinking about one specific person then you are really narrowing your options down, especially if you’ve been hastling them for ages to go out with you and they’ve known you since you had zits and it’s been obvious from the first time they set eyes on you that all you really want is to shag em silly.
I suggest describing a ficticious person, who may be based on someone you know or have seen on the box or in a magazine but you may be surprised that when you know them a bit better they ain’t so hot anyways.
Write down as many qualities as you can think of and feel free to bare your soul and put your wildest dreams in writing.

You should end up with a list that looks something like this:

MY KITERBABE
blond
enOrmOus tits
increadibly hot on the water but not more than me
long legs
nymphomaniac
faithfull
great cook
intelligent enough
pretty
rich
doesn’t earn more than me
swedish
great with kids
great in the kitchen
great blowjobs
not necessarily in that order
doesn’t look like a frog in the morning
never has a headache
brings me breakfast in bed
tells me I’m the best lay ever, even if she is lying
etc…etc…etc….

Even though you’re having loads of fun, now it’s time to put your feet back on the ground for a while and go back through the list because the aim of this whole game is to make your dream come true remember, so if your dream is impossible to realise except in a virtual reality environment you should either get REAL or get a VR helmet and get down to some serious virtual wanking until you get bored, believe me reality is much more fun bvut also not half as easy, but that’s half the fun isn’t it?
Right go back through your list and start crossing out the obviously stupid stuff, Venetian with three tits for example, get real man everbody knows Venetians all have five and a half tits and where are you gonna put em all anyway.
You should now decide on the unrealistic stuff and qualities you may not really really want after all and cancel them.
Like enourmous tits for example, which will be loads of fun for a bit but later you might just regret having exagerated in your young carefree days when you’re trying to coax you withered dick to get all excited over a couple of sag bags, he may be a dick head but he’s got a mind of his own after all. So if you’re a real hard core tit man write humungous tits and if you’re the jealous masocistic just write the name of your favourite pornostar at the top of the page.
One word. Having fun is great and most people try their hand at it at some time in life but you can have fun and be serious too if you really care about your ass because here we are talking about YOUR future, YOUR happiness, YOUR love and YOUR life so get it right.
Right now we’re getting down to the nitty gritty and if your list is a mess of crossed out pornography write it down again so now you’re starting to get a good clear idea of who you really WANT which is a very important word because if you don’t really want them you will very probably never have them, more of that later.
You’ll probably notice that there is one or more common notions to your list, something that several qualities have in common, sex, money, power, good looks, respect, intelligence, I don’t know it’s your list. If there’s one common denominator this will make things easier as it will be the most important thing in the person you’re looking for, take sex for example, if your list has 5 qualities that having nothing to do with sex and 25 that have a lot to do with sex you are probably not going to get very far with a nun.
The idea is to narrow down your field of choice. It’s true that there are many more fish in the sea and it’s not just true when one’s just got away. With so many fish to choose from unless you do some selective fishing you may risk getting an indigestion from guzling too many muscles, catching a shark or beeboping away for the rest of your days with a manta ray while watching the lobsters cruise by and thinking “God I love lobsterâ€

[Guest]

Good God, Man, that is friggen brilliant!

I'm getting rid of my therapist, and taking all of that wasted $$$, spending it on kite gear, and a couple reams of A4 paper.

So simple!

>*smacks self in the forehead*<

[Royce]

Dude....you need to get a job as a writer or something creative and time consuming. I "ass" ume you have not had any wind today huh? Nice piece, you are fast becomming my favourite poster dude. Keep writing. The only thing you forgot how to tell me however was how to get around all the kitter studs chasing the other kitterbabes. HA.
Aloha R

[Guest]

too much free time on your hands, or else you did what i did destroyed ur leg and are spendindg two months surfing kiteforums

[Blow Me]

I'll have what he Smoking, Eh, I mean Having.

[MissionMan]

Sag Bags? You worry me, cause you're using the wrong logic...

I simply trade in my old model on one of the younger newer models every couple of years. New models have added bonus's like sleeker designs, dual airbags, low mileage, no crinkles in the leather seats, lower maintenance costs, and great mileage/condom (You don't get any trade in value on money spent on your old model though, so don't spend too much on it, unless its kite gear you can take back ) As soon as she mentions the M (Marriage) or B (Baby) word, its time for a trade in. They turn very high maintenance after this, and trading them in, could cost you half of what you own.

So when its time for a trade in, send the old one packing, go out to the local party spot, get a new model (you'll find out how easy they are when you get older...where as the older models want houses etc, the younger models are impressed by minor things like having a car.)

When I was 21, I had a 19 year old model. Right now, I'm 28 and I still have a 19 year old model...it has SO many pro's to it...

I may die a bachelor, but its gonna be a bachelor with a smile on his face

[Guest]

Joseph, this is your wife. If I find you on this webshite one more time thats it. no more. i will leave you I am warining you. I cant take anymore. if its not your bloody kites it a kiterbabe now ? Im going to see the lawyer. you just wait. is this really the only way to get through to you ? what about the kids ? do you think of them ?

[MissionMan]

I guess that means you won't be taking up kiting Mrs Macdonald??

[Guest]

life is easy/ buy one .; we have several models on sales at http://www.christophertasti.com on the chick directory

name it and we will ship it to ya


Greg

[Mr Jo Macdonald]

Thanks for all the appreciative noises guys, hilarious stuff, and thanks for your infinite patience in our lunatic ways girls.

Part 2 comming soon.

Jo