He's talking about snowkiting. Like...in the boonies.
Hint: The whole idea is to get away from the crowds. Not all of us are obsessed with showing off.
For optimum experience, the nearest McDonalds should be at least 50 miles away. Such conditions probably don't even exist near Chicago, so you are forgiven
A pair of snowshoes and some extra clothes and a bottle of wine might prove instrumental to your survival, and almost certainly add to your enjoyment.
Anyway,it sounds like a great idea. You'd want to add some substantial (possibly removable?) leg loops. And then tie the attachment points into the top of these as well as the waist/hip band.
Maybe just get an oversized rockclimbing harness and incorporate it onto the right snowboard pack.