I was going to leave the most recent issue alone, but the pathetic anon. bleeder who posted the ode-to-Ben above warrants a reply. All my dealings with Ben have shown him to be a good guy, but his magazine sure does SUCK. Here we go:
Ben Wilson has continued on his "in-your-face" aggro moronic anal sex-obsessed crusade in the latest issue of "Australian Kiteboarder."
Why the hell do we let Ben & his team of morons spout their preachy, sub-adolescent, fucked up bs at us? Maybe itÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s time a "boycott Slingshot" campaign was started. The advertisers need to know. How can big, clean-cut multinationals (Wipika, Cabrinha, North, Liquid Force, Underground, Kitepower, Naish, & Slingshot) stand to be associated with this shit? It DOES reflect badly on their brand.
Apart from anything else, why choose an editor who is basically illiterate? Every page is littered with basic spelling & grammar errors. While itÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s not a school text, itÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s still SAD that an editor of a national mag canÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t write.
Ben is still on his anal sex crusade. Why the hell do we have to read about it? I buy the mag because I want to read about competition results, gear reviews, locations etc. ItÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s pathetic that we have to read all the (anal) sex stuff too. Regardless of whether or not "brown wings" are important to Benno, why do we have to read about it?? Eg BennoÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s & BoonyÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s "claim" page:
- "I got my brown wings ages agoÃ¢â‚¬Â¦"
- "Tight fit & too deep. If they donÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t say too deep your (sic) not doing it right"
- "It was her ideaÃ¢â‚¬Â¦ I was freakinÃ¢â‚¬â„¢ out Ã¢â‚¬â€œ IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢m not gay."
- "You gotta use lube."
Benno tried to justify his bizarre "smashed" editorial. Benno, baby, weÃ¢â‚¬â„¢re not idiots. "Smash," in the context you use it, means "f***." Eg "Kite groupies who smash all the kite boys."
Benno getting off on preaching to us again in the bizarre "smashed" editorial. According to Benno, the following are good:
- Ã¢â‚¬Â¦"f**cking with your mates"
- "Strip clubs with $100 lap dances where anything goes"
- "Jay & Bob: Fictional characters that smashed e-group (eg this forum) bleeders." DonÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t worry Benno, we knew you planted them.
According to Benno, the following are bad:
- "Water jackets" (Who gives a shit what you wear? Looks like Benno has just lost Oakley as an advertiser)
- "Cock blocking"
- "Farts that follow through"
- Etc etc
Benno made sure he loaded the mag with the normal quota of fucked up sexist misogyny eg:
- "Confidence is getting home at 4am drunk & reeking of cheap perfume, slapping your girlfriend on the ass & whispering "youÃ¢â‚¬â„¢re next bitch."
- We should sue a beer company for "all the ugly chicks you fucked."
- "I the penis, hereby request a raise, because I do physical labour, work in dark, wet, slippery, smelly places with poor ventilation & I work til I vomit."
- Semi-naked centrefolds (Yup, female riders LOVE this section)
Most of it is just lame/pathetic/unfunny
Benno getting preachy again:
- "Bleeders (ie supposedly us Ã¢â‚¬â€œ this forum): A bunch of perpetual whiners all bitching about the same thing. Kind of like an e-group (those guys need to get a life)." Benno baby, these forums are the ONLY way for us to try to balance up your preachy, misogynist, unfunny, aggro, moronic fucked up bs with the opinion of the majority of decent, hard-working people who resent your aggro in-your-face attitude & anal-sex stuff.
BennoÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s attempts to suck up to a small clique of Victorian kite shop assistants with the weird "Vic state sex scandals" article eg
- Balls is gay (ho ho)
- Bill is a hermaphrodite (ho ho ho)
- Norts is into under-age prostitution (ho ho ho ho fucking ho)
- Ivan & cross dressing (ho ho)
- Hop & doggy style (ho ho ho)
- Andy mac scalding his penis by fucking a donut (ho ho ho)
Bennos interview of Bill Crang (Really, who gives a shit?)
- WhatÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s your favourite porn mag?
- WhatÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s your favourite breast size?
- WhatÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s your favourite piece of chicks clothing?
- WhatÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s your favourite brand of toilet paper?
Despite the sad (anal) sex, misogynist stuff, there are some excellent articles in the mag. Eg the Report on the Nat Titles, CoraÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s article on elbow injuries. ItÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s a shame that you have to wade thru BennoÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s (anal) sex-obsessed stuff to get to it. IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢ll still be subscribing to the mag to get to the good stuff, but it gets me down to have to read all the other shit.
So bring it on boysÃ¢â‚¬Â¦ The BLEEDERS who support this anal sex obsessed mag will doubtless be firing up their Bob-the-Knob (Dano) keyboards.
It is SAD that an otherwise good mag is brought down by the preachy, judgmental, "better than you" sexist, sub-adolescent, moronic, anal sex-obsessed misogynist shit spouted by the basically illiterate editor. LetÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s not let them get away with itÃ¢â‚¬Â¦ LET THE ADVERTISERS KNOW!