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 Post subject: Re: Dead wind sucks, Any good jokes?
PostPosted: Thu Jan 30, 2014 8:53 pm 
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Joined: Wed Aug 29, 2012 8:05 pm
Posts: 146
matth wrote:
Why do Canadians like to do it doggie style? so they can both watch the hockey game.


As a Canadian, I resemble that remark. Or I wish I did!

Here's an oldie / goodie for those who like limericks:

>>LEWINSKY AND KACZYNSKI
>>
>>The Washington Post runs a weekly contest in its Style section called the 'Style Invitational'.
>>
>>The requirements this week were to use the words 'Lewinsky' (the Intern who was giving 'personal assistance' to President Clinton in the White House)
>> and 'Kaczynski' (the Unabomber who sent bombs in the mail) in the same limerick as a play on words.
>>
>>The winning entries (below) were actually printed verbatim in this very popular newspaper, without bleeps or alterations of any kind.
>>
>>Third place:
>>
>>There once was a girl named Lewinsky
>>Who played on a flute like Stravinsky
>>Twas 'Hail to the Chief'
>>On this flute made of beef
>>That stole the front page from Kaczynski.
>>
>>Second place:
>>
>>Said Clinton to young Ms. Lewinsky,
>>We don't want to leave clues like Kaczynski,
>>Since you made such a mess,
>>Use the hem of your dress
>>And please wipe that stuff off your chinsky.
>>
>>And the winning entry:
>>
>>Lewinsky and Clinton have shown
>>What Kaczynski must surely have known,
>>That an intern is better
>>Than a bomb in a letter
>>When deciding how best to be blown.


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 Post subject: Re: Dead wind sucks, Any good jokes?
PostPosted: Thu Jan 30, 2014 9:17 pm 
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Joined: Wed Apr 03, 2013 1:18 pm
Posts: 367
juandesooka wrote:
matth wrote:
Why do Canadians like to do it doggie style? so they can both watch the hockey game.


As a Canadian, I resemble that remark. Or I wish I did!

Here's an oldie / goodie for those who like limericks:

>>LEWINSKY AND KACZYNSKI
>>
>>The Washington Post runs a weekly contest in its Style section called the 'Style Invitational'.
>>
>>The requirements this week were to use the words 'Lewinsky' (the Intern who was giving 'personal assistance' to President Clinton in the White House)
>> and 'Kaczynski' (the Unabomber who sent bombs in the mail) in the same limerick as a play on words.
>>
>>The winning entries (below) were actually printed verbatim in this very popular newspaper, without bleeps or alterations of any kind.
>>
>>Third place:
>>
>>There once was a girl named Lewinsky
>>Who played on a flute like Stravinsky
>>Twas 'Hail to the Chief'
>>On this flute made of beef
>>That stole the front page from Kaczynski.
>>
>>Second place:
>>
>>Said Clinton to young Ms. Lewinsky,
>>We don't want to leave clues like Kaczynski,
>>Since you made such
>>Use the hem of your dress
>>And please wipe that stuff off your chinsky.
>>
>>And the winning entry:
>>
>>Lewinsky and Clinton have shown
>>What Kaczynski must surely have known,
>>That an intern is better
>>Than a bomb in a letter
>>When deciding how best to be blown.



funny and clever.....i like that........the flute made of beef is a killer


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 Post subject: Re: Dead wind sucks, Any good jokes?
PostPosted: Thu Jan 30, 2014 11:32 pm 
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Joined: Sun Jun 12, 2011 12:47 pm
Posts: 2510
Bille is correct...so time for some redneck jokes :cheers: :cheers: :cheers: :cheers: :cheers:

You are a redneck if......

...you know how many bales of hay your car will hold

...you see no need to stop at rest stops because you have an empty milk jug in the car

...Thanksgiving was ruined because you ran out of ketchup

...you ever hit a bump on the highway and lost half your worldly possessions

...you ever shot rats at the dump for entertainment

...you've ever stolen a bulldozer

...you've been too drunk to fish

...'Foxy Lady' is airbrushed on the front license plate of your car

...you've ever driven a Camaro into the top of a tree

...the Salvation Army declines your mattress

...you dad walks you to school because you're both in the same grade

...you've ever brought a siphon hose to show and tell

...the flood history of your area can be seen on the living room wall

...you've ever shot a deer from inside your house

...you've ever financed a tatoo

...you've ever peed in an ice machine

...you run down the bowling alley and slide into the pins

...your hobby is stealing road signs

...you've ever painted your car with house paint

...you have to get a tetanus shot to drive your car

...your car uses more oil than gas

... your dog Boozer can sit there with a cigarette in his mouth after drinking beer out of his bowl

:beer: :beer: :beer: :beer: :beer: :beer: :beer: :beer: :beer: :beer: :beer: :beer: :beer: :beer:


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 Post subject: Re: Dead wind sucks, Any good jokes?
PostPosted: Fri Jan 31, 2014 1:41 am 
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Joined: Wed Apr 03, 2013 1:18 pm
Posts: 367
SupaEZ wrote:
Bille is correct...so time for some redneck jokes :cheers: :cheers: :cheers: :cheers: :cheers:

You are a redneck if......

...you know how many bales of hay your car will hold

...you see no need to stop at rest stops because you have an empty milk jug in the car

...Thanksgiving was ruined because you ran out of ketchup

...you ever hit a bump on the highway and lost half your worldly possessions

...you ever shot rats at the dump for entertainment

...you've ever stolen a bulldozer

...you've been too drunk to fish

...'Foxy Lady' is airbrushed on the front license plate of your car

...you've ever driven a Camaro into the top of a tree

...the Salvation Army declines your mattress

...you dad walks you to school because you're both in the same grade

...you've ever brought a siphon hose to show and tell

...the flood history of your area can be seen on the living room wall

...you've ever shot a deer from inside your house

...you've ever financed a tatoo

...you've ever peed in an ice machine

...you run down the bowling alley and slide into the pins

...your hobby is stealing road signs

...you've ever painted your car with house paint

...you have to get a tetanus shot to drive your car

...your car uses more oil than gas

... your dog Boozer can sit there with a cigarette in his mouth after drinking beer out of his bowl

:beer: :beer: :beer: :beer: :beer: :beer: :beer: :beer: :beer: :beer: :beer: :beer: :beer: :beer:



good stuff..... EZ

three biggest lies told by rednecks

I didnt know she was my sister.
The Trailer home is paid for.
and I was just helping the sheep over the fence.


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 Post subject: Re: Dead wind sucks, Any good jokes?
PostPosted: Fri Jan 31, 2014 8:53 pm 
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Joined: Sat Aug 29, 2009 11:25 pm
Posts: 2440
Location: The Naki
hey Toby.

If you had some none wind related toys then when the wind dies you simply pick those up and keep on playing!...... That's why I have skateboards and mountainbikes.!


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 Post subject: Re: Dead wind sucks, Any good jokes?
PostPosted: Fri Jan 31, 2014 10:09 pm 
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Joined: Wed Aug 24, 2011 11:39 am
Posts: 927
Paycheck is like a woman's period, it comes once a month, and only last a few days.


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 Post subject: Re: Dead wind sucks, Any good jokes?
PostPosted: Sat Feb 01, 2014 7:50 pm 
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Joined: Sun Jun 12, 2011 12:47 pm
Posts: 2510
[quote="matth] good stuff..... EZ

three biggest lies told by rednecks

I didnt know she was my sister.
The Trailer home is paid for.
and I was just helping the sheep over the fence.[/quote]



Funny....matth...hope you like those also :lol:

A true Redneck will have ten or more of these in his front yard :

1- A major appliance
2- A motor hanging from a tree
3- An oil pan still full
4- A pair of men's underwear
5- Chickens (live)
6- Half a motorcycle
7- More than twelve tires
8- A deer carcass
9- Corrugated metal
10- A car door
11- Coffee can flower pots
12- A buried pet
13- Crime scene tape
14- Pile of gravel
15- Fish skulls (not alive)
16- Dogs on chain
17- Past due bills
18- One hunting boot
19- The front door
20- TV dinners trays
21- Pink plastic flamingos with the heads shot off

:cheers: :cheers: :cheers: :cheers: :cheers: :cheers: :cheers: :cheers: :cheers: :cheers:


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 Post subject: Re: Dead wind sucks, Any good jokes?
PostPosted: Sat Feb 01, 2014 8:10 pm 
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Joined: Wed Apr 03, 2013 1:18 pm
Posts: 367
SupaEZ wrote:
[quote="matth] good stuff..... EZ

three biggest lies told by rednecks

I didnt know she was my sister.
The Trailer home is paid for.
and I was just helping the sheep over the fence.[/quote]



Funny....matth...hope you like those also :lol:

A true Redneck will have ten or more of these in his front yard :

1- A major appliance
2- A motor hanging from a tree
3- An oil pan still full
4- A pair of men's underwear
5- Chickens (live)
6- Half a motorcycle
7- More than twelve tires
8- A deer carcass
9- Corrugated metal
10- A car door
11- Coffee can flower pots
12- A buried pet
13- Crime scene tape
14- Pile of gravel
15- Fish skulls (not alive)
16- Dogs on chain
17- Past due bills
18- One hunting boot
19- The front door
20- TV dinners trays
21- Pink plastic flamingos with the heads shot off

:cheers: :cheers: :cheers: :cheers: :cheers: :cheers: :cheers: :cheers: :cheers: :cheers:[/quote]



Good stuff......But how could you forget the ..Couch on the porch. lol


How do you circumsize a redneck? you kick his sister in the chin...


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 Post subject: Re: Dead wind sucks, Any good jokes?
PostPosted: Sun Feb 02, 2014 3:49 pm 
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Joined: Sun Jun 12, 2011 12:47 pm
Posts: 2510
Hey matth :thumb: ...how about.... this question from the Redneck Aptitude Test

A Redneck should not name his son Theodore because........

a. No stock car drivers are named Theodore
b. It's too long to write on a shirt pocket
c. It would require a huge bladder to write his name in the snow :snow:

:pump:


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 Post subject: Re: Dead wind sucks, Any good jokes?
PostPosted: Sun Feb 02, 2014 8:17 pm 
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User avatar

Joined: Sun Sep 04, 2011 5:37 pm
Posts: 1737
SupaEZ wrote:
Hey matth :thumb: ...how about.... this question from the Redneck Aptitude Test

A Redneck should not name his son Theodore because........

a. No stock car drivers are named Theodore
[b]b. ...

:pump:


Don't Ya just Hate-it when your Wrong ?

Theodore "Ted" Musgrave

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ted_Musgrave

Now for your Flagellation , you must :
A ) Invite --14ToeSide-- out for Beer ; then get Him to pay for it.
B ) Tell your Wife to get dressed up Real pretty, because your taking her
out to Dinner ; then bring her to , (Jack-in the Box).

Bille :D


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